If you’re tired of feeling like you’re always falling short in the bedroom, it’s time to take control and learn how to mentally overcome premature ejaculation. 

Premature ejaculation is a common problem that can be frustrating and embarrassing. It’s not the end of the world as it doesn’t have to be a permanent one. There are things you can do to improve your stamina and try to last longer in bed. 

In this article, ShagLonger will guide you on how to use your noggin to overcome premature ejaculation. So if you’re ready to take control and up your game, let’s explore ways to mentally overcome premature ejaculation.

The role of mindset in premature ejaculation

If you’re constantly worried about your performance or fearful of not lasting long enough, these negative thoughts and beliefs are likely contributing to your premature ejaculation.

It’s important to remember that everyone has off days and that it’s normal to feel anxious or nervous during sex. However, if these negative thoughts and beliefs are persistent and interfere with your ability to enjoy sex, it’s time to address them.

The importance of self-confidence and self-esteem in lasting longer in bed

One way negative thoughts and beliefs can contribute to premature ejaculation is by causing performance anxiety. If you’re constantly worried about your performance or fearful of not lasting long enough, this anxiety is likely contributing to your premature ejaculation. Performance anxiety can also lead to erectile dysfunction (another common sexual dysfunction). Find out here how ED and PE are closely linked.

Another key element in staying in bed longer is self-esteem and confidence. These feelings are likely causing you to ejaculate too early if you lack confidence in your abilities or feel inadequate in some other way. Although developing self-esteem and confidence can take time, there are things you can do to boost your self-assurance and confidence in the bedroom, which we will cover later on.

Mentally treating premature ejaculation

Certain psychological factors could have led to your development of premature ejaculation. Maybe you have some trauma from a bad, past sexual experience, or maybe you have always had it from your first encounter.

When addressing your psyche to understand and try to prevent premature ejaculation it is important you first understand which category your PE falls into.

Lifelong premature ejaculation

Sometimes referred to as primary premature ejaculation, is considered if it has been occurring since you first started engaging in sexual activity. Many types of psychological, physical, and medical conditions could cause lifelong PE.

Acquired premature ejaculation

A man who has previously been able to control his ejaculation may develop PE at some point later in life. The same reasons as lifelong PE can cause acquired PE, but it could also be caused by a past sexual event that has happened.

Mental techniques to help treat premature ejaculation

It’s not uncommon for people to struggle with maintaining control over their thoughts and emotions during sex, which can lead to a less satisfying or enjoyable experience.

Fortunately, there are a variety of techniques that can help you improve your mental control during sex. Allowing you to fully immerse yourself at the moment and enjoy the experience to the fullest. Creating higher sexual intimacy and potentially delaying ejaculation.


Mindfulness involves being fully present and attentive in the moment without allowing the mind to wander. This is especially important during sex, where one can easily get lost in obtrusive thoughts or worries. To practice mindfulness during sex, it is recommended to focus on deep breathing, slowing down the breathing, and not holding the breath. 

  1. One can focus on their partner’s breathing and mirror it for a deeper, more in-tune and in-sync experience.
  2. Another way to practice mindfulness during sex is to engage all of the senses. This can be done by incorporating candles, music, lighting, and silky sheets to enhance the entire experience and allow the person to fully immerse themselves in the moment and relax.
  3. Taking the time for extra foreplay that does not involve genital touching or penetration can also help promote mindfulness. Focusing on other areas of the body, can further enhance the experience and allow one to be fully in the moment.

Relaxation techniques

Learning relaxation techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or visualization can be helpful because stress and anxiety can affect mental control during sex.


It might help to increase mental control during sex to be upfront and honest with your partner about your preferences, boundaries, and any worries. Communication should always be a factor in sexual experiences. This eases performance anxiety or fear of the unknown. The overall sexual experience may be improved as it can create a sense of trust and understanding between couples.

Setting boundaries

It’s important to be open and honest about your sexual comfort levels with your partner and yourself. Having clear boundaries during sex can make people feel more in control and less exposed.

Focus on pleasure

Try focusing on the pleasure and enjoyment you and your partner have instead of getting caught up in self-conscious or negative thoughts. This can aid in enhancing sexual pleasure overall and enhancing mental control.


As with any skill, practicing and patience are required to improve mental control during sex. Distractions and negative thoughts are common. But with time and effort, you can learn to recognize them, let them go, and center yourself in the here and now.

Seeking professional help

If you have tried various techniques to improve mental control during sex and are still finding it hard to delay ejaculation, it may be helpful to consider seeking professional help. A healthcare professional or therapist can help identify any underlying psychological causes of difficulties with mental control during sex and provide more targeted support and treatment.

When to consider seeking help from a healthcare professional or therapist

There are a few signs that it may be helpful to seek professional help in addressing difficulties with mental control during sex:

  • If the difficulties are having a significant impact on your sex life or overall quality of life
  • If you have tried different methods but have not been effective in improving your mental control during sex
  • If you are experiencing other mental health concerns, such as anxiety or depression, that may be contributing to the difficulties with mental control during sex.

The benefits of therapy in addressing the psychological causes of premature ejaculation

There are several benefits to seeking therapy to address the psychological causes of difficulties with mental control during sex:

  • Any underlying psychological causes of the problems, including past trauma or unfavorable sexually-related beliefs, can be explored and addressed in a secure, nonjudgmental setting provided by a therapist.
  • Therapy can offer more specialized and individualized support to people who want to develop the skills and strategies to help them maintain their composure during sex.
  • Therapy can improve communication and intimacy in sexual relationships by providing a space to discuss and address any concerns or challenges.
  • Therapy can help individuals feel more empowered and in control of their sexual experiences, leading to greater satisfaction and enjoyment.

In the worst-case scenario, your therapist may recommend you see a doctor if it is a physical or hormonal problem. Doctors can help with premature ejaculation by prescribing medication like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs).


The mindset and mental control during sex play a significant role in overcoming premature ejaculation and enhancing overall sexual satisfaction. There are a variety of techniques, including mindfulness, relaxation techniques, communication, setting boundaries, and focusing on pleasure, that can help individuals improve their mental control during sex.

If you have tried various techniques and are still struggling with premature ejaculation, it’s important to remember that seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness. Healthcare professionals and therapists are trained to help identify and address the underlying causes of difficulties with mental control during sex and can provide personalized support and treatment.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to find a solution that works for you and helps you feel more confident and in control of your sexual experiences. Don’t be afraid to seek help and explore different options until you find something that works for you.

Jocelyn Padilla, Certified Sex Educator

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